Matchday 3: Energie Cottbus – FC Sankt Pauli 2-0

Posted: August 26, 2012 by Zouz in Zweite Liga 2012-13
Tags: , , , , ,

The title of this 1994 Napalm Death classic may sound a little “excessive” but, for some (OK, not so!) mysterious reason, these are the exact 3 words that came to my mind on the way home after yesterday’s slap at Cottbus, when I recalled what we watched for the previous 2 hours… The worst (at least) in the last two years FC Sankt Pauli in the field, a squad without beginning, middle or end (not a squad actually) and almost deprived from the will to fight… Yes, of course our boys sweat their ass in the field as they almost always do but, as known,  11 people working together (it’s called a TEAM, Mr. Schubert) is always stronger that 11 people by themselves…


There was a surprisingly positive atmosphere on the air before kick-off. The reason behind this of course wasn’t the FCSP previous spectacular performances (?!?) but the opening of our venue after being closed during August for Summer. Ouzo, tsipouro, basic quick snack to help them on their way downwards and more or less what’s happening when friends meet after a while for a good cause, the guest block on TV hosting fellow FCSP fans up on its feet, what more could you ask for a Saturday morning? (YES, 14:00 on Saturday IS morning 🙂 )

Match kicked-off, with FCSP looking like slightly controlling the field and on 10′ the first (and last) “aaaaaahhh”s occured when Saglik, quite confident lately, tried a 20m shot ending up slightly 2 o’ clock over Kirschbaum’s post. Well, that was all for FC Sankt Pauli… Energie Cottbus immediately moved the game in our half and unleashed pure terror for the remaing first half… on 13′ Adlung took his time before aiming our crossbar from within the box (but from a difficult angle) while the “new-and-improved” but staggering FCSP defense was watching – Farina missed a direct shot on the rebound. Right on the next minute, Adlung again, after a spectacular assist, overrun Kalla Bolt-style to shoot from scoring-position, this time just by Tschauner’s right post. Complete panic on FCSP side and new big double chounce on 17′ with Farina being stopped by Tschauner before Stiepermann misses on the rebound. Our suicidal way of playing finally paid off on 21′: Tschauner (oooh Philipp 😦 ) passed the perfect ball to Farina, he found Stiepermann, the guy shot and the ball slightly defected to Thorandt to change it’s course just enough to make our keeper look even dummer by passing just under his stretched arm before resting at the back of the net… 1-0 and the civilized atmosphere has turned to an orgy of unholy blasphemy (Greek oral profanity is mostly about two things: sex & religion), aiming mostly…guess who (NOT Tschauner, you dummy!). Talking about Tschauner, he concluded the worst performance of his FCSP career by losing the ball unguarded just in front of the goal line after trying to dribble (YES!!! Like Higuita!!!) Sanogo who stole the ball and…made the bloomer of the year by missing in front the defenseless net, leaving even poor Philipp speechless… Energie went on besieging FCSP until the end of the half, creating minor (comparing the first 30′ of course!) problems –  half time whistle finally sounded in complete depression…

Stiepperman’s shot has just deflected to Thorandt’s leg and is on the way to the target for the 1-0 (source, (c) picture alliance)

 Having already recalled the first 2 matchdays during halftime, nobody was really expecting any spectacular upset during the 2nd half and (unfortunately) the squad proved us right… First opportunity for the hosts on 51′ with Farina entering the box without being disturbed by anyone, controlling the ball and shooting just wide of our left post. A long Funk shot, unable to worry anybody and ending easily inside Kirschbaum’s grasp, was our only response on 52’… match continued in the same motive with the hosts pushing for the second instead of us pushing for the equalizer and the solemn ceremony concluded on 66′ when Banovic, unguarded as usual, just outside the 16m box, got his head up, aimed carefully and fired the shot that was looking a certain goal even at the moment that the ball left its foot for the 2-0… After kick-off on 68′ the only real FCSP chance took place. Ebbers found himself guarded in scoring position having the alternative option to pass the assist to Bruns who was waiting on the right, forgotten by everyone. He did neither – he tried a few tricks instead before passing to incoming Saglik but was already somehow late, since the entire Energie defense had already returned, and the ball deflected somewhere… Saglik was also responsible for our last offensive action, with a 20m (or something) shot ending just by Kirschbaum’s left corner… the remaining 20′ minutes were nothing more than a torture that everybody begged to end, with the hosts looking quite neat and comfortable on the field, giving the impression that they could do more at anytime if they like, Andre Schubert looking somehow furious on the bench and us even more furious every time a camera was taking such a shot…

Our usual super-hero Philipp Tscauner after probably his worst ever FCSP afternoon 😦 (source:, foto: dpa)

We were all woried after the developments that followed the end of last season, but yesterday’s spectacle exceeded our darkest worries… The final result is just deceptive – it should be somewhere between 4-0 and 6-0. We don’t want to go over the problem again and break people’s balls ( 🙂 ). Anyone taking some time now and then to read our thoughts, knows exactly our position and knows also that regardless of their actual value, we stay consistent to what we declare… This seems to us like a “lost” season. Of course, anybody could argue “What the fuck you’re talking about people? Forgot that is just matcday 3 in August?” – this could be quite an argument but only if there was even a slight level of correction between games. On the contrary, this squad (left on AS hands, with 17-18 people, 2-3 days before Summer preparation on end-of-June, with the brand new Sports Director on holidays until 2 weeks before the same date, etc, etc) seems worse game by game …

Next week, we host newcomers SV Saundausen. A win will not rest anybody’s worries – a bad home result will take the entire thing to a brand new level for reasons quite obvious to anyone… seems like a quite awkward duty for the Boys in Brown – let’s hope that, with a little help from the FCSP fans and luck (after all, no help expected from other sources), it would be proven easier at the end 🙂

A few words about Phil “Animal” Tschauner: The Scum simply does not give a shit about his tragic performance yesterday – this guy has been a structural part of the squad since day 1 in the Club. He has been the SGA (Squad Guardian Angel!) on numerous occasions and (the most important!) 100% commited and concentrated to the Job through good and bad times. It’s not only about being the best (that’s why we LOVE Bene!!!) but trying to be the best you can :-). Soooo…if  mighty Motörhead are entitled to at least one COMPLETELY SHITTY record (Scum Quiz: which is it???), Phillip is entitled to one, two, three…and more performances like yesterday’s! We don’t care – we just follow and support 🙂


Match goals:

1:0 Stiepermann (21′,Left shot, Assist: Farina)

2:0 Banovic (66′, Left shot, Assist: Stiepermann)

Spectators: 11190

Sankt Pauli cards: GinczekThorandt

For full match coverage (in German) visit:


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