Matchday 3: FC Sankt Pauli – Arminia Bielefeld 0-1

Posted: August 12, 2013 by Zouz in Zweite Liga 2013-14
Tags: , , , , , ,

We’re gonna need some bigger goal posts…

Rephrasing a little Roy Scheider’s immortal moto from 1975 all time classic “Jaws” (that later became the excuse for a brutal shark genocide in the years that followed but this can’t fit in here), “we’re gonna need some bigger posts”. Seems that the standard 732×244 cm football size is too small for the boys in Brown who haven’t manage to achieve one (1) proper goal (Kiraly’s gift doesn’t count when we come to efectiveness) in four (4) official encounters against theoretically “manageable” opponents. Scum sees two possible solutions:

  1. Put some pressure to DFB/DFL (using arguments like “the game will be more spectacular”, “alternative football by an alternative club”, etc, etc) in order to replace for FCSP games standard size posts with rugby ones. Still, we have to note here that DFB/DFL are unlikely to go along with this, so it should be used only as a last resort action.
  2. (Serious option – there are serious problems, regarding not only our offensive misfire): Stop bullshiting around, stop playing football using the dick instead of the brain, spare a little the poor FCSP fans who follow everywhere and unconditionally the squad and start playing proper football. Not World Class Multimillion football – just a decent, not in terms of will (no one challenges this, squad was PASSIONATE during the closing stages of the game) but in terms of FOCUS and seriousness, kind of play…

Hmmm…instead of getting mad let’s take a closer look at what happened 😉


Leftovers (literally! 2 Scum, 1 Athens Club!) of the local organized FCSP community STILL in Athens gathered in our shady South venue for a match which smelled trouble, following the usual DFP Pokal fiascoArminia Bielefeld (along with their bloody hillbilly support bunch that, aided by some local H$V slime, attempted unsuccesfully to create some situations in the Viertel during the night before the game) the opponent, not looking like much at first place but couldn’t say something different regarding our crew, judging by the first samples…

Match started (as usual lately) with the opponent quite conservative, “respecting” our name, (something that (as usual as well) changed during the course of the game) and giving space to FCSP. BIG chance for FCSP on 3′: Kringe, after bypassing 3 opponents at the right edge of the box, tried a tight-angle powerful shot – Ortega deflected the ball with his right hand, ball ended up to Thy whose header passed just over the crossbar – Ugh! Another FCSP onslaught (9′), again from the right flank, with Rzatkowski, closing in fast towards the box but finishing with a shot that Ortega had no problem to handle. AND another one (11′) with a long Boll shot (25m, facing the net) deflected to Schütz before passing just by Ortega’s left crossbar! Opening quarter passed and Arminia started opening up a little and demanding more from the game. They could had their first chance on 23′ (Tschauner hesitated leaving his posts) but ball proved too fast for Hille…and on the very next FCSP attack, the 2014 CLROTY (Clown Referee Decision Of The Year) with both referee and assistant ignoring a penalty (Lorenz to Rzatkowski) that even the blind that Jesus cured (liars, liars 🙂 ) could see! Intense and irresolute game and almost a chance for the guests out of nothing (30′) with Big Phil (not in his best shape for  the past 2 weeks) initially screwing up on a 35m Lorenz shot but fixing his error immediately with a second attempt. Buchtmann tried to sneak between 2 Arminia defenders on 34′ inside the keeper’s box with the attack ending up to a corner and almost the shock on the very next minute, with a Jerat shot, just inside the box facing the net being deflected first by Thorandt’s head and then by Tschauner’s right vertical post! Fuckin’ close… Buchtmann tried again from 20m or something on 37′ but ball a little wide with Ortega in control. Nothing further happened ’till the end of the (quite satisfying in terms of footbal spectacle anyway) first half, leaving us with the feeling that this time and against this squad, we can somehow make it…

Jerat vs Boll (source:

Jerat vs Boll (source:

Kick off for the 2nd half with the first notable occasion again for FCSP (47′): Thy clever ball to Kringe free in the left side of the box, quick move by Kringe, something between shot and cross, nobody there… Pressure escalation from FCSP with 2 consecutive headers (53′ Gonther, 54′ Halstenberg, both following Buchtmann free kicks) both handled (first one extremely tough!) by Ortega. Arminia (probably realizing that staying barricaded is not an option) responded again by expanding slowly but surely and was not long before the game starts getting really wild! Long right flank Arminia ball to Klos, serious defending fuck up resulting to Klos closing in all alone into the box and trying a diagonal 5m shot with Tschauner’s legs saving the day! Ball directly to FCSP legs, really fast counter attack ending up to Thy who tried from 20+m but Ortega again flew and saved to a corner! WOW! With the clock approaching towards the middle of the 2nd, FCSP, while trying to get the winning goal, started leaving more and more space backwards, a situation similar with the 2nd half of the Pokal game. This behavior, that what was not furtherly punished by Preußen Münster (they were already ahead anyway), was punished this time by the guests… Impending doom arrived on 67′ in the form of a clear penalty (awarded this time) earned by Klos and converted to goal by Hübener… with the shape the game has taken even before the goal, this looked and felt like the fatal blow, even with 23+ minutes on the clock… FCSP playing all in, with more changes from the bench, but playing at the same time the known ancient football with long balls in the box, in search of the Air Force, with Bielefeld defense managing the situation and always in position for the 2nd and final blow…A Gonther header without problems for Ortega on 80′ and almost the 2nd on 83′ with Müller on the counter attack, trying from 20m while being observed (!) by his opponent but ball fortunately passing just by Tschauner’s vertical post… but still was not over…the lost FCSP chance of 84′ with 2 brown shirts (Bartels & Rzatkowski – both tried hard overall) confusing eachother (!!!) all alone in front of Ortega is a perfect example of how a disorganized squad looks like – just take a look at the highlights below to believe for yourselves… enraged FCSP towards the end and things could be better if Bartels’ 18m shot on 87′ was ending up just a few centimeters below…insted this round slut (sorry ’bout that 😉 ) preferred to hit Ortega’s (deserved his luck yesterday) and return in the field without any further consequences – ARGHHHHHHHH!!! AND AGAIN, HUGE chance on 89′ with Gregoritsch being initially stopped by Ortega on a 1-1 duel at the right upper end of the keeper’s box and Nöthe (ball recipient – having not the best possible body position) wasting the chance to the upper Südkurve seats! Best by far Bielefeld player yesterday sealed victory for the guests on 91′ with another amazing save to another FCSP shot (Rzatkowski), forced FCSP squad to leave the pitch with heads down and us recollecting suddenly unpleasant memories from last season…

Crime and Punishment... (mage source:

Crime and Punishment… (image source:

Yes, referees were a nightmare! Yes, Ortega was a defensive line on his own! Yes again, luck so badly needed was not on our side yesterday… STILL this squad (OUR squad) has:

  • A defensive line slower than a Caretta Carreta crawling on the sand
  • Complete lack of concentration in the pitch (fatal defensive errors that cost us disqualification from the cup happened again)
  • Complete lack of clarity when things get tough – not quite the same with the one above… This is about the 5 cards awarded to FCSP on each game – who will play on November? The U23?
  • NO attacking plan (or at least the squad haven’t absorb it so far). Most chances were either result of Buchtmann’s free kicks or long shots. And this, at home, against an opponent that seemed (at least to the Beer consuming Scum!) no better than Preußen Münster

Have told this again and again (we probably will make a moto out of it on the way 🙂 ): We’re drinking, not football experts 😉 Still, all the observations above do not require some special knowledge of football – these are elementary things, known even to the last football glue-consuming-couch-slouch (that’s NOT us!!!). “Have your mind in the game when on the pitch” is just as simple as “look out for incoming cars before crossing the road” – it’s just common sense (or at least should be when we’re talking about professional football players). Bullets 2 & 3 suggest in a way, that this squad is NERVOUS… Lots of cards in every game along with unforced mistakes – even Giant Phil (Concrete Master of last year’s end Salvation) is prone to the unforced error… OK, still July…ehhh…still August, probably squad needs time and nobody has a problem with that – not going after anything except a dignified season, everything else is just “nice to have”… Scum fear (considering who we have played so far and who’s coming up) is the awkward feeling of getting with our backs on the wall before the full puzzle (if any) is finally assembled…

Next trip? Ouch…it’s a trip to Bochum for a game vs local VfL…A squad that last season was until almost the end a co-candidate in the battle of relegation avoidance but after Peter Neururer (a known squad veteran) took over they showed obvious signs of recovery, resulting in a relatively easy success of achieving the target and they still doing it so far, during the new one. The fact that they lost last week to FSV Frankfurt shouldn’t reasure anyone. This squad seems by far the strongest test we had so far… The greatest the danger, the greatest the challenge! The perfect opportunity for a big victory that will turn everything upside down, still the Scum will be happy with something less. Last week, while doing bullshit predictions, said that “we’ re going BIG to end up even with few” (referring to number of goals back then 🙂 ). Now it’s probably time to change the approach 🙂

C’MON AND AMAZE THE SCUM (even with a draw including a goal!) YOU BOYS IN BROWN!!!

Match goals:

0:1 Hübener (67′, right-footed penalty)

Spectators: 28558

Sankt Pauli cards (deep breath first): Kringe (1), Thorandt (2), Boll (1), Thy (1), Nehrig (1), Buchtmann (3)

For full match coverage (in German) visit:

Extended game highlights (if careful, you can spot Max Kruse and SUPER Marius Ebbers watching 🙂 )

  1. Zouz says:

    Latest update: highlight video gone private – sorry guyz 🙂

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